


I will be your windrose

by LuminousFiore



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Character Death, Not Agnarr friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24850279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminousFiore/pseuds/LuminousFiore
Summary: Anna Snøstorm was not her parents’ perfect daughter, that was Elsa’s role. Elsa, who she hadn't seen in five years. When seemingly out of nowhere, her estranged older sister commits suicide, Anna is left to pick up the pieces. However, things are seldom what they seem, and when Anna finds Elsa’s suicide letter and her old diaries, the world she thought she knew begins to shatter and her family’s dark past begins to unravel. With the help of her loyal friend Kristoff, Anna sets out on a journey to find the truth and finally right a wrong that had plagued her sister for more than a decade.
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna & Kristoff (Disney)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will be adding more Tags as the story goes on.

_ Laughter echoed throughout the summer cottage as Anna played happily in the living room, her face filled with the innocence that only a child could possess.  _

_ “I’m gonna be a super spy when I grow up!” the six-year-old exclaimed loudly. _

_ “Is that so? Well, I suppose you better start training then, come here, I’ll show you how to crack a code” _

_ “Like the ones in the movies?!” _

_ “Yeap, like the ones in the movies.” _

_ Young Anna hurried to her sister’s side, her little legs running as fast as she could, careful not to trip on her own feet. Her sister, Elsa, sat patiently at a small table, waiting for her sister to sit down too. _

_ “Let’s start with something easy,” Elsa said as she took out a small paper circle, “this is called the Caesar cipher, and this little circle can be used to crack it.” _

_ Elsa continued explaining the process to Anna, who watched with fascination as her sister wrote a secret message on a piece of notebook paper. _

_ “Okay, you can solve it now, just use the method I taught you.” _

_ Anna focused hard on the task, her tongue sticking out a little and her brow furrowed in concentration. _

_ “It says uh snow...snowman! It says snowman Elsa! I cracked the code! I’ll be the best superspy in the world!” she exclaimed joyfully as she hugged Elsa. _

_ “Now, what is all the commotion about?” asked Agnarr, their father, as he crossed the living room to the corner where his daughters were playing. _

_ “Daddy! I cracked the code! I think I’m a genius too!” _

_ “Really? Who would have thought? We have two geniuses in the family, maybe we should celebrate with some ice cream, what do you think? _

_ “Is it chocolate ice cream?!” _

_ “Of course sweetheart” _

_ “Yay! Ice cream! Ice cream!” chanted Anna as she ran to the kitchen at full speed, “Come on Elsa! If you don’t hurry I’ll eat your portion too!” _

_ “Don’t you dare!” yelled back Elsa as she ran after her little sister. _

Anna woke up slightly disoriented, it had been years since she had last thought of her older sister. Shrugging it off as stress from approaching midterms, she changed and hurried to catch the bus, her first class would be starting in less than 30 minutes and she hadn’t finished her paper from the night before. Had Kristoff been there, he would have given her a ride, but he was away visiting his family in the Valley of the Living Rock and wouldn’t be back until next week.

Anna tried to finish typing her essay in the back of the bus, but the people in front of her kept gossiping about the latest scandal, she rolled her eyes, people these days focused more on celebrities’ lives than their own.

“I heard her body was found mutilated”

“No, no, my brother’s friend is one of the officers investigating the case, he said it was a suicide.”

“Well,  _ my _ boyfriend knows the girl who found the body, he said she had been decapitated and thrown into the river to be devoured by the piranhas.”

“That’s ridiculous, there aren’t any piranhas in the Ahtohallan river!”

Irritated by the incessant chatter, Anna put her earbuds in, hoping to drown the sounds with music. Although she felt slightly bad for whoever the subject of their conversation was, Anna had learned a long time ago to not care about other people’s tragedies.

Her day went as it always did, she went to her first two classes, then studied at the library with Belle, Jane, and Tiana, had lunch with them, had another class, and then went back to her apartment, nothing special. She was ready to binge-watch another season of Desperate Housewives (her guilty pleasure) when there was a knock on her door. The knock itself wasn’t shocking or out of the ordinary, her friends sometimes showed up at her doorstep without warning, especially after a breakup, but this time the knock was accompanied with an unexplainable feeling of dread. 

She looked through the peephole, instead of one of her friends, a young cop and a nicely dressed woman waited for her to open the door. When she finally did, she noticed just how young the officer really was, his face still had boyish features and he lacked facial hair, in any other situation she would have found him adorable. The woman had delicate features and had a very professional air about her.

“Good afternoon ma’am, I’m officer Nattura and this is the Medical Examiner, Dr. Briar Rose. May we come in?”

“I...yeah,” stunned, Anna moved aside so they could enter, and led them to the small living room.

The officer and the doctor waited for her to sit down before they started talking.

“Miss Snøstorm I have some very bad news to tell you, your sister, Elisabet, died from a self-inflicted gunshot last night. Her body was found by a jogger on the shore of the Ahtohallan river.”

“We’re deeply sorry for your loss,” Dr. Rose said, “We understand this might be difficult to……

Anna didn’t hear the rest of what Dr. Rose said, it didn’t matter.

“Thank you,” she said suddenly, “I...appreciate this...information, but I think it’s time for you to leave.”

“Would you like for us to call a friend? A family member perhaps?”

“No, I’ll be okay, my sister and I...we weren’t close.”

“If you need help, please don’t hesitate to reach out,” the officer said as he handed her his card.

Anna watched as they left, she closed the door and sat with her back against the door, just like she had done all those years ago… She called Kristoff and went to her bed, she wrapped herself in the warmest blanket she had and allowed herself to pretend that she didn’t exist and that nothing was real, today wasn’t real…


	2. Chapter 2

_ Agnarr Snøstorm and his wife, Sigrid, had always dreamt of having a baby and starting a family. Having grown as an only child, Agnarr had always known that he wanted multiple children. _

_ “Four,” he said one morning, “I want four.” _

_ “Four children?!” _

_ “That’s what I said, they will grow together and play all day, they will never be alone.” _

_ “Well then, if we are to have four children we better get started,” Sigrid said, her lips curling into a seductive smile. _

_ After multiple attempts and visits to a fertility clinic, Agnarr and Sigrid received devastating news, they couldn’t conceive children naturally. They tried everything, intrauterine insemination, IVF, and even some...unorthodox methods, but it seemed like their dreams of becoming parents would never come true.  _

_ Their situation seemed hopeless, but just before they gave up the idea of parenthood, something marvelous happened. In the early morning of a frigid winter day, a baby was left at their doorstep. The baby’s cries alerted a maid who just happened to walk by the door on her way to her chambers, and before anyone knew it, the baby had woken up the entire mansion. Agnarr and Sigrid came downstairs to find out what the commotion was about, and when their eyes landed on the baby, their hearts melted. The baby girl was, without a doubt, the most beautiful they had ever seen, with her platinum blonde hair, sapphire blue eyes, and pale porcelain skin she looked like an angel.  _

_ After multiple attempts to find the mother of the creature, it was decided that the baby could be put up for adoption, and who could possibly be more qualified to adopt her than the billionaire couple who found her?.  _

_ Once the baby became an official Snøstorm, the entire mansion celebrated, Agnarr’s business partners sent presents, the couple’s famous friends sent beautiful baby clothes, and her christening was widely covered by the most popular magazines. Agnarr was elated and named the baby Elisabet. _

_ Anna came to the world more than a year later on the longest day of the year, the summer solstice. Her birth was more than a little unexpected. After Elisabet’s adoption, Agnarr and Sigrid had decided to stop trying to conceive, but nature had other plans and granted them the child they had desperately prayed for before Elisabet’s adoption. _

_ Her Christening had been a much quieter affair, and few people knew about her existence for the first few months of her life. _

_ “You are our little miracle Anna, unexpected, but so loved.” That’s what her mother had told her, but with time, Anna would come to realize that rather than a “miracle,” she had been a mistake. Undesired and unneeded, she wasn’t a scholar, or an athlete or a poet like her sister, she was a screw up, she was just the spare. But even with this knowledge, Anna couldn’t help but love her older sister, at least at first. At first, Elsa, as Anna had affectionately taken to calling her, had been fun to hang around with, she would braid Anna’s hair and would help her build a snowman in the winter, but somewhere along the years, Elsa became cold, she would always upstage Anna, and she would monopolize their father’s time. _

_ Elsa’s cold demeanor started when she was eight, shortly after being identified as a genius. Things only got worse when she was named an “ice skating prodigy,” and a “multi-talented beauty.” Their father would often brag about Elsa during dinner parties. _

_ “Elisabet has a talent for the violin.” _

_ “Did I mention that Elisabet has started piano lessons? Her teacher is impressed by her talent.” _

_ “Elisabet will be graduating from high school soon, and she’s only nine!” _

_ “She has won so many ice skating trophies we’ll probably have to get a room just for them.” _

_ “Elisabet is so beautiful, she has already received countless offers from modeling agencies.” _

_ Agnarr was also frequently complimented for having such an amazing daughter. _

_ “Your daughter is so well mannered, you have educated her well.” _

_ “I wish my daughter sang as beautifully as yours.” _

_ “The perfect daughter, for the perfect man.” _

_ “She will be a good mother and wife one day.” _

_ Anna had been ten when she was placed in a “special class” at school, which she thought was great, she was finally special like her sister. It didn’t take long for her to realize that her class wasn’t the type of “special” her father liked to brag about, and when the media found out that the famous tycoon’s only biological daughter was “slower than her peers,” he didn’t hesitate to send her away to a private boarding school. So for the rest of her childhood, Anna grew up believing something was inherently wrong with her, and years would pass before she was officially diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD, and even more before she received help for it. _

_ Anna grew up as the more than imperfect daughter of Agnarr and Sigrid Snøstorm. She grew up as Elsa’s less-talented little sister. She grew up watching Elsa’s interviews, reading articles about her, and occasionally watching her competitions from the sidelines. Despite this, Anna was happy that her sister was talented, she truly was. Sure, there were some times when she felt slightly jealous, but who wouldn’t? so no, she didn’t resent her sister’s success. What she resented, however, was her insistence on monopolizing their parents’ time. If Agnarr tried to take Anna out for some ice cream, Elsa would ask him to stay with her to practice for a competition instead. If Anna wanted to spend some one on one time with Agnarr, Elsa would insist on being there too. To Anna’s young eyes, it seemed like her sister hated her, it seemed like she wanted her out of her life, and Anna would comply, she would leave and never come back. _

Elsa’s death was the most talked about topic on the news for at least a week, Anna’s social media feed was inundated with tributes and fanwork, people expressing their sadness at Elsa’s passing, she felt she couldn’t escape it. When she went to class the day after being told about Elsa’s suicide, she had received condolences from her friends, and, as the news spread, from other students and professors. Elsa’s death followed her everywhere.

“Former ice skating prodigy and the genius behind Snøstorm Corp’s recent success was found dead yesterday morning…”

“23-year-old Elisabet Snøstorm, the beloved daughter of business magnate Agnarr Snøstorm, allegedly died by suicide…”

“The world mourns the death of Norway’s sweetheart, Elisabet Snøstorm…”

“Celebrities pay tribute to Elisabet Snøstorm…”

“ _ Flawless _ , Elisabet Snøstorm’s documentary, will reportedly still come out next week on the Netflix platform despite the controversy surrounding her death…”

“I don’t think you should be torturing yourself with that,” Kristoff told her as she flipped from channel to channel. He came back immediately after she called him, ever the loyal friend. He even brought his dog, Sven, with him, knowing how much Anna loved to cuddle with the chocolate labrador.

“I just...I don’t know how to feel about...this.” She gestured at the tv, “We hadn’t talked in what? Five years? And we weren’t close even when we lived under the same roof. I know I should feel sad, but the truth is...I don’t know if I do, I don’t feel happy, but I don’t feel sad...does that make me a terrible person? I feel like it does.”

“No, of course not, she was your sister, but from all you two interacted, she might as well have been a stranger.”

  
  


If the first week had been bad, the one that followed was worse. Someone from her class had told the media about Anna’s whereabouts, and Anna was soon accosted by reporters.

“Miss Snøstorm, will you be your father’s successor now that your sister’s gone?”

“Is it true you and your sister hadn’t talked for years before her death?”

“ How do you feel now that your sister’s suicide has caused prior allegations regarding your mother’s death to resurface?”

After a while, Snøstorm Corp. decided that a press conference with Anna was the best way to satisfy the reporters and keep Anna from divulging private details about the Snøstorm family. They gave her a scripted speech, and she knew from experience that, as long as she cooperated, she would be free to continue living her life independently.

“Although my sister and I were not close during the  _ months _ leading up to her death, I will still sorely miss her. She was a good person and a lovely sister, and regarding my mother’s death, an autopsy confirmed that she died of natural causes. Now, our family appreciates everyone’s concerns, but we ask that you allow us to grieve Elisabet privately. Thank you.”

She watched as her father issued a speech similar to hers, and he left without even looking twice in her direction. Flashes and questions followed her all the way to the exit, and the police had to be called to contain grieving fans outside the hotel she was staying at. For security reasons, she had to move from her apartment to another one, its location was kept secret to everyone except Kristoff.

Tabloids were filled with speculations and gossip, magazines included photos and past interviews with Elsa, and when her documentary was released, it instantly reached number one in the nation.

By the time the funeral came around, nearly three weeks after Elsa’s death, people were much calmer, and it carried on without a problem. The nature of the gunshot wound prevented them from holding an open casket ceremony, Anna wasn’t sure whether she preferred it that way. She watched as her father placed a single white rose on top of the casket, and people soon followed his lead, covering the lid with white roses. Anna left soon after, and no one cared enough to stop her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone's confused: In this story, Elsa's full name is Elisabet, "Elsa" is the diminutive and Anna's nickname/endearment for her sister. Sigrid and Agnarr are a couple and Elsa and Anna's parents, I decided not to use Iduna for reasons that will be revealed later on.
> 
> Also, I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes, English is not my first language. Writing fanfiction is my way to get used to writing in English while also having some fun :)


	3. Chapter 3

_ When Elsa was left at the Snøstorm’s front door, she had been neatly placed in a small cardboard box and wrapped neatly in a beautifully embroidered shawl. There was no note, or any indication of who the child might have belonged to, the only items left in the box were a stuffed penguin toy Elsa later named Sir Jorgenbjorgen and a wooden jewelry box. The box had a beautiful scenery painted throughout, and the name of a remote town, Fortryskog, carved neatly on the lid.  _

_ As the years passed, the scarf, the toy, and the jewelry box remained among Elsa’s most prized possessions. Neither the staff, Anna, or her parents were allowed to touch them. Anna liked to think that she would someday be allowed to see it up close, to see the secrets within the box. _

More than a month had passed since Elsa’s funeral and Anna’s life was almost back to normal. She still received the occasional call from talk-show hosts asking for an appearance on their shows, she declined them all and soon, the media once again forgot about her existence. It was, for this reason, that she was surprised to see officer Nattura ( _ was that his name? _ ) holding a small cardboard box and standing at her door one rainy Saturday morning.

“Good morning ma’am,” he began, just like he had done the last time he’d been there, “I’m sorry to disrupt your morning, but I have some of your sister’s personal items, they were found beside her body.”

“I...I think it would be better for my father to receive them...like I’ve said before, we weren’t close.”

“A note left at the scene requested for the police to deliver these items to you specifically.”

Anna raised an eyebrow before suspiciously asking, “why were the notes, or the items never mentioned to the press?”

“I...,” he faltered momentarily before quickly composing himself, “The note also requested for this to be kept private, I would have brought them earlier but I figured you needed some time to come to terms with her death.”

“How kind of you,” she said impassively as she grabbed the box, it was lighter than she expected.

A week passed before she remembered about the box, which had been sitting on a corner in a closet since the officer had given it to her. She carefully took it out and considered opening it before deciding against it and placing it back in the closet. She went about her day, she ate lunch with her friends, went shopping for Kristoff’s Christmas gift, and even bought groceries, but the thoughts of the box kept nagging at her, especially with Elsa’s upcoming birthday. Later that night, when she tried to study for her finals, she found that she couldn’t concentrate, the only thoughts in her mind seemed to be about  _ that stupid box _ . Frustrated and more than a little irritated, Anna took the box out of the closet for the second time that day, she set it on her kitchen table and opened the box. The first thing she recognized was the shawl, it seemed to be wrapped around something. She took it out and carefully unfolded it on the table to reveal Elsa’s jewelry box and that ridiculously named penguin. She understood now, why Elsa never allowed her to touch the box, if she had something as beautiful as it, she wouldn’t let anyone touch it either. She opened the box expecting to find, well, jewelry; after all, it wasn’t a secret that their father had gifted her multiple earrings, necklaces, and rings. Instead, she found a paper, neatly folded, and held closed with a blue ribbon. Anna undid the ribbon and, with shaky hands, opened the paper and noticed her sister’s handwriting…

_ May 5, 201 5 _

_ Dear Anna... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you are well, stay safe.


	4. Chapter 4

_ May 5, 201 5 _

_ Dear Anna, _

_ You have kept me afloat all these years, you have kept me from drowning in this deep, dark river of misery, but I’m afraid I cannot stay here any longer. This life has been filled with torment and shame I can no longer bear, so I must go, I must go. _

_ I adored you from the first time I laid eyes on you, and I love you now, as I prepare to leave this life behind. Despite the pain I feel at the idea of not seeing you anymore, I am confident that one day we shall meet again. And when you feel unsure about which way to go, my gravestone shall be your white rose, guiding you through the frozen winds of the North. _

_ You might wonder why I did it, why someone would leave behind their perfect life. The truth is, dear sister, that I am like a loose floorboard in a child’s room. Broken and full of secrets. Secrets that I cannot tell you, at least not in this letter. _

_ I am lost, Anna, and I need to find my way home, like the people of the sun found their own near the enchanted forest, a long long time ago.  _

_ I know we were not close, especially the last 5 years, and I know I do not deserve to ask you anything, but I need you to remember that, when all is lost, then all is found. _

_ With love, _

_ Elsa _

“This makes absolutely no sense!” Anna screamed as she tugged at her hair, “With love? What love?! ‘When all is lost, then all is found’? What in the world does that even mean Elsa?!”

She shoved the letter back in the jewelry box and put everything back in the cardboard box, she was done. She was done with her sister and with her cryptic messages. She was DONE. She closed the closet door and rested her head against it for a minute before going to her room to study.

Anna was having lunch with Belle when she casually approached the subject, or as casually as one could when talking about a suicide letter.

“What do you mean you found Elsa’s suicide letter?!”

“It was inside her old jewelry box”

“Shouldn’t you report that to the cops? Or tell, I don’t know, your father? What about the press?”

“A cop gave it to me, and tell my father? Are you crazy? How do I even do that? Do I just march up to his office and say ‘oh hey, I know you think I smeared your reputation and you don’t want anything to do with me, but uh I found your precious daughter’s suicide note, bye’? I can’t see how that could go wrong,” she said sarcastically, “and the cop told me Elsa left a note asking to keep it private, cold-hearted bitch or not, I’m not about to disrespect someone’s dying wish.” 

“I don’t know Anna,” Belle said, “Something about this seems...odd.”

“I know,” Anna groaned, “You know what’s the weirdest part? It was written in May.”

“May? That’s like five months before her actual suicide.”

“Exactly!” she exclaimed, “Do people normally write their letters months before actually doing it? You know what, I don’t want to think about it anymore, it’s all just rubbish anyway.”

“Maybe she was on drugs?”

“Wouldn’t be the first one in the family to do it, that’s for sure,” Anna muttered dryly.

Kristoff came over in the afternoon carrying flour, chocolate chips, and all the other ingredients necessary to make cookies. She didn’t show him the letter, but she told him about it, he didn’t seem to understand what it meant either and the topic was dropped. Just as Kristoff finished placing the cookies in the oven, he started humming, that wasn’t surprising, he tended to hum when he was working, but it was the tune that caught Anna’s attention...it sounded so familiar.

“Kristoff?”

“Hmmm?”

“Where did you hear that?”

“Hear what?’ he asked confusedly.

“The..the tune..whatever it is that you’re humming” 

“Oh, it’s just an old lullaby, my nana used to sing it to me when I was younger.”

“Do you...do you remember the lyrics?” she asked anxiously

“I- yeah, why?” He was more than confused by his friend’s interest.

“I need you to sing it,” she said quietly

“What?”

“I need you to sing it!” she snapped, and then added, more softly this time, “please Kristoff, I need you to sing it.”

Kristoff looked at Anna worriedly, she seemed slightly hysterical and her eyes were glassy with tears. He started singing, trying his best to make the lullaby sound as comforting as his nana had. Anna seemed lost in her own thoughts until he reached the final verse of the song.

“...When all is lost, then all is found,” he sang softly.

“That’s it!” Anna exclaimed, “Elsa...she..she sang it to me once, almost 15 years ago...Where? Where?...” Anna wondered out loud before softly whispering to herself, “The cottage”

“What cottage?”

“Right before Elsa’s eight birthday, our father took us to a beautiful cottage, he said it had belonged to our family for generations, we were supposed to stay the entire summer but I had an accident and we went back home before the summer was over,” she recounted, “But...I remember one night, it was really stormy out and father and mother had gone out for the night...I was scared, and Elsa sang me that lullaby, she said she found it in an old book.”

“Wow, that’s...good, right? A good memory of your sister?”

“She wanted me to remember it,” she continued, ignoring his question, “but why would she want me to remember a children’s lullaby?”

“Maybe she wanted you to remember something nice about her”

“ _ Or _ ...maybe she wanted me to remember the memory of the place!”

“Just think about it Kristoff, she was a genius, what if she left another letter?”

“Anna,” Kristoff said softly

“What if she...what if she left something behind?”

“Anna,” he insisted

“Maybe something that explained why she did it, and I mean really explain because that last letter was-”

“ANNA!” Kristoff shouted, trying to get her attention.

“What?!” she snapped, annoyed at being interrupted.

“Anna,” he repeated, more softly this time, “I just, I don’t want you to get your hopes up about something that might not even exist”

“I know,” Anna said mournfully, “but I have to try, I know I said I didn't know her, and we weren’t close, but...I can remember some good parts of her, I want to know what happened, why she stopped being...nice to me, I  _ need  _ to know what I did wrong.”

“Okay,” he nodded, “What do you need?”

“A ride,” she began, “and something to pick a lock.”


	5. Chapter 5

_ Anna hated writing. She hated the way her fingers felt, wrapped weirdly around the wooden pencil. She hated being scolded for her messy handwriting, “It looks like a chicken wrote it!” her tutor would sometimes say, “No, a chicken’s scratch would be more legible than this mess!” To encourage her to write more, her mother gifted her a set of 6 beautiful leather-bound journals on her birthday, each one thick enough to write at least two years' worth of memories and thoughts. Anna hated writing, so she threw them away. A week later, when her mother asked her where her journals were, she answered honestly and was sent to her room without supper. Elsa gave her a PB&J sandwich in secret, and shared her chocolate milk with her, Anna didn’t go hungry that night, and she never thought about the journals again. _

The road looked exactly the way Anna remembered it. It was a dirt road, with wildflowers and green grass growing on the edges, Anna remembered looking out the house and seeing her parents arrive after a date, hand in hand, a huge smile plastered on their faces.

Kristoff picked the lock quickly, a skill he had learned at the orphanage and kept even after being adopted. The floor, the furniture... everything was covered in dust.

“It looks like no one has been here in years.” He commented.

They slowly made their way to the kitchen where a second door was located, leaving footprints as they did.

“Kristoff, look,” Anna pointed towards the door, “Footprints. Maybe someone has been here after all,” she got closer to inspect them, “They’re too small to be father’s, but...they’re too large to be Elsa’s.” 

“They seem to go upstairs,” Kristoff mentioned, already following the trail.

“That was Elsa’s room,” Anna whispered when the footprints came to an end. She carefully opened the door, not sure what to expect.

Elsa’s room was clean, too clean. The floor was shiny and the bedsheets had been washed, it seemed completely out of place in the dusty house. Anna carefully stepped in, looking for something, anything, that would give her a clue as to why Elsa wanted her there…

“...like a loose floorboard in a child’s room,” she recited, she might not have had a photographic memory like her sister, but it was better than the average person’s, “look for a loose floorboard,” she urged Kristoff as she did the same.

“Found it!” he exclaimed after a couple of minutes

“Can you lift it?”

“Yeah, hold on just a minute and...there!”

“Are those…? Those are...my journals”

She carefully picked them up and opened the one on top, instantly recognizing Elsa’s elegant handwriting…

__

_ June 21, 2000 _

_ Dear Diary, _

_ I did something terrible today… _


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Allusion to molestation

“And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also were buried in a vast grave full of unspeakable secrets.”

― **Joseph Conrad, Hear of Darkness**

_June 21, 2000_

_Dear Diary,_

_I did something terrible today, I stole the journals Mamma gave Anna for her birthday. Anna threw them away, but I think she’ll want them back, but I can’t give them back, I can’t give_ **_you_ ** _back. I need someone to talk to, someone who will listen to me, but I am afraid. Pappa said he will hurt Anna if I tell someone about the things he’s been doing. He started doing it months ago after the man gave us back my test results. Pappa said I was special, he said I was making him happy, and then he taught me how to make him happier. I hated it, but he wouldn’t let me take my hands away, and he started touching my body. I told him Mamma said to never let anyone touch me like that, but he said he could because he was my Pappa, and Pappa would never hurt me. He told me he loved me._

That was as far as Anna could read, her heart pounded in her ears and she felt a knot on the back of her throat, her stomach sank and she felt herself vomit. The impeccable floor was left covered in vile and the cereal she ate for breakfast that morning. She turned around and ran, she ran out of the room, out of the house, she ran to the meadow that extended far beyond what she could see. She tripped, like she always did, and landed face-first on the grass, she rolled onto her back and stayed there. Sobs wracked her body and the taste of vomit lingered bitterly on her tongue. The sky seemed blurry through her tears, and the cold winter air bit her cheeks.

She must have fallen asleep or maybe she just passed out because when she opened her eyes again, she was no longer laying on the grass, instead, she was safely strapped to her seat in Kristoff’s truck, his jacket thrown over her. She observed him for a moment, his eyes were focused on the road, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel.

“The room…” she said, voice raspy from crying.

He looked at her for a moment, as if unsure she was actually talking to him, “I cleaned it, don’t worry.”

“And...the journals…?”

“They’re in the back, I’ll give them to you once we get you home,” he promised.

“My father…” she sobbed, “He…”

“It’s okay Anna, we’ll figure it out, rest for now okay?”

Anna nodded, and burrowed further into his jacket, trying to memorize his scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many things have been happening lately and this story is turning out darker than I initially planned, I will include warnings as needed in the notes at the beginning.  
> Just a heads up: This story won't be Agnarr friendly--for obvious reasons.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Child abuse/molestation

**Chapter 7**

_ On Anna  _ _ Snøstorm’s sixth summer, she suffered a terrible accident. She couldn’t remember what happened to her, but her parents told her she hit her head and had to be taken to a hospital. The staff told her that she screamed so loudly she almost woke the dead from their sleep. She spent a lot of time in the hospital, and when she came back home, things had changed. Elsa had her own room, she was colder, meaner, and she would never let Anna come into her room. Her father spent less time with Anna, and her mother stopped singing. Young Anna was confused by everyone’s behavior, her confusion only deepened when she tried to remember what happened. Instead of a memory of the accident or even her stay at the hospital, she found...nothing. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t remember a thing. _

_ “You hit your head pretty hard Anna,” her father explained without looking away from his laptop. _

_ “But Pappa, I should still be able to remember the hospital!” Anna exclaimed, “I think the trolls stole my memory! Elsa read me a book about it once.” _

_ “Anna stop with this nonsense,” Agnarr scolded her, “I have important business to attend to, go play outside.” _

_ Begrudgingly, Anna left her father’s office. She spent the rest of her day playing alone in her large outdoor playset. Anna stopped asking about her accident shortly after, but she couldn’t help but feel like she was missing something important. Her memory of that summer felt like an incomplete puzzle, and whatever piece she was missing was the reason her sister didn’t love her anymore. _

The smell of bacon and coffee woke up Anna, she was still wearing yesterday’s clothes and her hair was a mess. She could barely remember Kristoff carrying her bridal style to her bed before helping her take off her shoes and covering her with a soft blanket.  _ He must have spent the night here,  _ she thought. Kristoff had spent multiple nights at her place before, so the thought didn’t bother her.

She slowly walked to the small kitchen and sat at the table, watching quietly as Kristoff finished making breakfast.

“How are you feeling?” he asked once he had finished placing the food on the table.

“Angry, sad, nauseated...miserable,” she answered honestly, “I just, I don’t know what to think.”

“Do you...umm,” Kristoff started uncertainly, “Do you want to go to the police?”

Anna thought about it for a few minutes, “No.”

“No?” Kristoff asked incredulously, “Anna, this...man, he did something terrible.”

“I know, but Elsa left  **_me_ ** the journals for a reason, she could have turned them in herself, I think she wanted me to read them.”

“The journals...what happened to her, is that something you really want to know?”

“Of course not Kristoff! I don’t _ want  _ to read everything that that...monster did!” she exclaimed angrily, “but I _ need  _ to know…”

“Okay, I’ll go get them from my truck.”

Anna stared at the journal in her lap, her hands shook as she slowly opened it to the first page and her supper threatened to come back up. Kristoff had left shortly after giving her the journals, he knew it was something Anna had to read alone, but he promised he would come back if Anna needed him.

Anna spent around an hour reading the first journal, it was awful and Anna had to constantly take breaks between pages. Most of them contained the same thing: memories of two sisters playing in a meadow and swimming in a nearby lake during the day, and Agnarr groping her at night, while Anna laid fast asleep just a couple feet away.

_ “Pappa pinched my arm last night, it hurt a lot and I wanted to cry, but he said that I would wake Anna up and he would have to include her in our ‘game.’ I love playing with Anna, but I don’t think she’ll like this game.” _

_ “Anna almost woke up while Papa was in our room, I don’t know what he’ll do to her if she really wakes up.” _

Anna wondered too, what would he have done if she had woken up one of those nights, would he have stopped? Would he have molested her too? She didn’t have to read far into the first journal to find out, almost a month after Elsa’s first recorded assault, Anna woke up…

_ July 19, 2000 _

_ Dear Diary, _

_ Pappa came into our room again last night, he started out the same way he’d done the other times, but he said I had been bad during the day because I showed Mrs.Olsen my bruises. I didn’t mean to, but she caught a glimpse and she asked me to show her. Pappa said she was never coming back and that he would have to punish me for scaring her and making her leave. He looked angry and scary and he did something he had never done before, he pushed his fingers in me and it hurt a lot. Pappa said he would never hurt me but he did and there was blood. I tried not to cry or make noise, but it hurt too much and Anna woke up. _

_ She saw the blood and got really scared and started screaming very loudly. Pappa took me to the bathroom and told me to clean myself while he washed his hands. He tried to calm Anna down but she was really scared and Mamma and Gerda and Kai came into the room and Pappa took her to the hospital. Diary, I’m scared, I think he’ll punish me again for waking Anna up, I think he’ll hurt me again. _

Anna ran to the bathroom, barely making it in time to throw up in the toilet, she hadn’t even realized she started crying. She was not only beyond disgusted by her father, but also by herself. If she had seen what Agnarr was doing to her sister, why did she never say anything? Why couldn’t she remember it? Did her silence really doomed her sister to a lifetime of abuse?


End file.
